Teaching Morals: Part III
"Make Your Words and Actions Consistent"

by Brandon Jubar

Teaching teenagers about morality takes almost constant effort. As we discussed in Part I of this series, the goal is to teach our teens to think critically and make good, moral choices that conform to the teachings of the Church -- which are the teachings of Christ.

In Part II, we explored the idea that it's not enough to simply talk about the Gospel -- we must teach our teens to live it by addressing issues that they are facing today. If we, as parents, present our teens with issues such as premarital sex, illegal drugs, or violence in small, manageable doses, we stand a much better chance of teaching them to face these things on their own and make good choices.

One thing we must keep in mind is that our teens are watching us. Even though it often seems like they're not paying attention, I guarantee that they most certainly are. With that in mind, we need to make sure that we're not undermining the lessons we're sharing by being hypocrites.

Do As I Say...

As parents, we must be consistent with our message -- and the message we send is more than just our words. We must also do our best to follow our own advice. If I object to letting my teenage son see a movie that showcases premarital sex, then I should avoid going to such movies myself. If I don't feel that I need to ban myself from a movie because I know how to enjoy it without condoning the immoral parts, then I need to teach my son how to do that.

This is not the same as being a smoker and admonishing your child not to smoke. Nor is it the same as not letting younger children watch certain television shows. In the first case, it would be foolish to say, "I guess I'll let my daughter smoke because I haven't been able to quit." If anything, your addiction should serve as an ever-present reminder of why she should never start smoking in the first place. In the second incident, younger children are simply not ready for certain things. Sending them to bed while you watch your favorite prime time show is not a double-standard, for they are not ready to make certain moral judgments.

...Not As I Do

If we talk a good line but then live as though we've lost our own moral compass, we run the risk of seriously undermining the lessons we are trying to share with our teens. Truth and moral standards should be applied to everyone, including ourselves. When we find that it's easier to talk than act, let's just take it as a reminder that we're not perfect either. We still have plenty of work to do on our own lives while we continue to help our teens learn to make good moral decisions.

Life Applications:

Do you ever feel like you have double standards? Why or why not?
How hard is it to practice what you preach?
What were your parents like when it came to "walking the talk"?

Copyright 2005 by Brandon Jubar
All rights reserved.