Give and Take -- Reflections of a Mom

by Angie Ledbetter

Why is it that people fail to understand that I know what's best for me and that I can make my own decisions? These are the burning questions in my teenage son's mind these days. And none of the answers I have are in the least bit satisfying.

The Wisdom of Elders

Of course, I probably wouldn't listen to my advice either. After all, I once asked a clerk in the music store for a CD by the rock group, "WhoBeStankin'." Every time Hoobastank comes on the radio now, I get reminded of my horrific mistake, which sent all three of my teens running for the exit doors.

Besides my lack of modern music knowledge, my children inform me that I will be paying for their therapy bills soon because of my love of wearing costumes. They so dread Christmas because my Elfie suit (complete with pointy shoes, tunic, and hat with ears) comes out of the closet. Elfie loves to pick them up in carpool at their high school.

Then there's the giant wolf head I don for school athletic events...

So anyway, I guess I see why my offspring have trouble listening to my wisdom concerning dating, friends, curfews, music choices, scouting, academics, and such. Now that their friends are used to seeing me in strange garbs though, it isn't so bad for them. (Which reminds me... it's almost time to get busy on my Cupid outfit.)

I Really Do Try

I remember my own teenage-hood and how restrictive I thought my parents were. I give my kids plenty of leeway and privileges, but it never seems to be enough. Yet when I look around at many (a really scarily high number) of their schoolmates, I know that I'm right in holding up the expectation bar.

Being a friend to my children instead of a parent would mess us all up. I'm all for having lots of fun, but I also know that my job is to be the person in charge. After all, we all want to know what our boundaries and expectations are, right? Without those things, we basically just float around doing whatever fun thing pops into our heads with no thought for consequences or tomorrow. And the world does not need more lazy, spoiled, selfish, bratty people in it.

A Conversation

Being a teenager isn't easy. There's too much bad and dangerous stuff "out there" served up on a silver platter. But on the other hand, it's no picnic being the mean old parent either, especially when it's getting harder to find like-minded people who care enough to say "No" once in a while to their children (a.k.a. us dinosaurs).

The following conversation took place on our way home from my middle child's basketball practice last night:

Him -- "Mom, why can't I go hunting with Joey this weekend?"

Me -- "Because, son, you have a game tomorrow night and you're not going to let the team down."

Him -- "Well, that sucks. I don't get to play that much anyway. Steve and Donell hardly ever show up."

Me -- "That's beside the point. You're part of a team and you're not going to slack on it. And you ought to know by now how much I don't care about what other people do or think."

Him -- "You're just unreasonable. Why do I have to do things other kids don't?"

Me -- "Because I love you more than their parents love them and because I expect more out of you. (laughing)"

Him (turning radio way up) -- "Mumble, grumble, hiss."

Me -- (turning radio down) -- "Are you speaking to me?"

Him -- "No. What would be the point?"

Me -- "The point is, I'll listen to anything you have to say, as long as it's fit for human ears."

Him -- "Okay, why is it that you and Dad never let me make my own decisions?"

Me -- "That's not true. We let you make a lot of your own decisions and we encourage you in most of the things you want to do. Aren't I driving you to these games and practices across town everyday?"

Him -- "I'm talking about the clothes I want to wear, not getting my hair cut, and things like going bowling with Candy last night."

Me -- "Number one, pants that hang off your rear are disgusting, anarchy symbols give you a bad reputation, and your hair has turned into a 'fro because I let you grow it out. The bowling thing? I bet you know the answer to that."

Him -- "Yeah, because midnight on a school night is too late and because she has no 'parental supervision'." (said with a sneer)

Me -- "See how smart you are? This expensive private school education is paying off!"

Him -- (Ignoring me completely, looking out the window.) "Humphh."

Me -- "Do you do what I do whenever I'm trying to make a decision or figure out what's the right thing to do in a situation?"

Him -- "What's that? (Audible sigh.)

Me -- "Ask yourself WWJD? Remember that acronym?"

Him -- "Yeah, I sure do. And I use it all the time."

Me -- (brightening) "Oh, good, son!"

Him -- "What Would Jake Do?"

After I finished laughing at his little joke, we had a good conversation and tried to see things from each other's perspective. With open lines of communication, prayer, church-related activities, and a parent who won't back off her standards but remembers what it's like to be young, I think he's going to make it.

Life Applications:

How can you compromise with your child on important issues?
Think of the families you admire. What factors do they have in common? Does your own family reflect these values?
How can you inject some fun into your family circle?

Copyright 2005 by Angie Ledbetter
All rights reserved.