by Jacki Setta

Empty nest. (n.) 1.A stage in life in which all those previously living in a home leave, with only 1 or 2 remaining. 2. A stage in life which all parents both dream for and dread from the birth of their first child. 3. A stage in life in which someone finally lives without family or roommates?

That's right. At the old age of twenty-three, I am experiencing a sense of empty nest-even before my own mother gets to do so. I have finally reached the point in my life that I had dreamed about for some years. No parents watching over me. No siblings to have to deal with. No roommates to argue over bills and laundry piles with.

Best of all, I get to have my own room -- devoid of bunk beds, lofts and extra dressers. It's mine, all mine!

Jacki's "Out"

All families have a favorite family game. My family's is "Jacki's Out."

It began years ago when the four of us were tossing a ball around the yard. Regardless of what I did -- caught the ball or dropped it, spoke or remained silent -- I was out. Although the game has long since faded away, the spirit of "Jacki's Out" remains intact with my family.

For years and years I longed to get away from the cramped space I shared with the rest of my family. I wanted not to be "out" -- but to be truly out. I didn't even want to be in the game! I wanted to be free to do my own thing in my own space.

I sort of got my wish when I moved to college, but I still had roommates with whom I interacted daily and nightly. It was like having siblings around, but generally parent-free. Which was pretty cool, except not having parental figures around means not having mediators in conflicts, and we had to rough it out ourselves.

Jacki's Out?

Finally, the college years are more or less behind me, and I have my own place. And while I really do enjoy the fact that I do not have to compromise with anyone on living space and I have the ability to do the dishes whenever I feel like it -- I really miss having my family around. They say that you never really know what you had until it's gone, and I really think that's true.

It's not homesickness, I swear. I've been gone from my mom's house far too long for that. It's the little things that I miss. Like finding a Spongebob shirt while shopping and thinking how much my little sister would enjoy it. Or having a bad day and hearing my brother tell people, "You make my sister cry and I'll break your shins." And it's realizing that I have developed a lot of the habits my mom has, freaking out about that, and then thinking, "What if Mom was right?" and "ARGGHGH! I'm turning into my mother!"

Jacki's Back

And so I keep in close contact with my family. I try to call them on a regular basis, and I spend time with them whenever I can. I really do enjoy spending time with them -- they crack me up. They also offer me love and support whenever I need it, as well as food and laundry facilities when I need them.

But what's really, really cool is that, if I spend long enough with them, I gain a renewed appreciation for the joys of my own apartment.

Life Applications:

What do you like best about your family? What do you like the least?

Do you think it's true that you don't appreciate what you had until it's gone?

How do you show your family your appreciation of them?

Copyright 2002 by Jacki Setta
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