"We weren't arguing. We were having a discussion."

Have you heard that one before? It sounds more polite, until you look at the evolution of the word "discussion". You see, the Latin meaning was to "smash apart" or to "scatter, disperse". When I have a discussion with you, I am trying to pulverize your ideas by heaving my own at you.

How about "debate", you ask?

The Latin was somewhere along the lines of "to beat down". Argue, debate, discuss -- whatever word you prefer -- it's all about crushing someone else's ideas. And most of us, if we're completely honest with ourselves, know that we do it to some degree. We don't believe something unless we think it's true, and we defend those beliefs because no one likes to be proven wrong!

Plenty of psychological studies have shown the power of language -- the power of words -- and how it can affect people in many ways. In some instances, a person's perspective can change by simply using different words to think about and/or describe things.

I suggest we remove the words "argument", "debate" and "discussion" from our vocabulary, and replace them with the word "conversation". The word conversation comes from the Latin word "conversationem", which means "act of living with" or "to live with, keep company with".

The dictionary tells me that a conversation is "the spoken exchange of thoughts, opinions, and feelings." So if we do this -- if we share our thoughts, opinions and feelings -- in the spirit of "living with" the other person, I truly believe the results will be much more constructive.

In my mind, a good conversation can get you thinking. It can question your beliefs and challenge you to cogently defend them.

A good conversation will sometimes even leave you rethinking your original opinion or position. Am I right? What about such-and-such? How does it fit with my view? The more I am challenged, the more I have to think and discern -- and the closer I will come to the "truth".

Arguments, debates, and even discussions, on the other hand, can shut down thinking. When I argue, I take a stand and hold that position no matter what. I might listen to what the other person is saying, but only long enough to gather ammunition and formulate my next verbal assault.

Somehow, I don't think that's what Jesus would want me to do.

Discuss, or converse? You decide.

Peace,
Brandon